Sweet Presence

“There’s going to be a baby in this crib.” That was the thought I had mere weeks before KC was born. My belly big. Looking down at the empty crib just waiting for her arrival. Sheets and blankets inviting and soft. “There’s going to be a baby in this crib. I wonder what she will look like.”

Tonight as I gently lay her down to sleep, as I often do, I thought of that moment. When it really hit me. She was coming. Soon. My baby. I was finally going to see her, feel her. That same afternoon, Ted and I took the baby monitor out back to see how far it would keep a strong signal. We had hit the button on a mobile that played a sweet song. We could hear it clearly in the back yard. I got a little teary-eyed thinking of it. He put a hand on my shoulder in a gesture that said, “I know how you feel.”

This memory is a strong one. I felt I should write it down. Before it fades too much. Ted’s sister and her husband are patiently awaiting the arrival of daughter number two. She’s due any day now. Does it feel like that for the second child too? I  imagine it does. This presence that it there, but not quite there yet. “There’s going to be a baby in this crib.”

What a blessing.

Summer Vacation (It’s family time, dammit.)

Summertime is all about vacations. At least it should be. I am really excited because Ted and I just finished booking our hotel/cabin for our visit to Minnesota. I’ve spent so many summer vacations up north and I’m excited to be taking KC on her first real vacation to the place that holds such great memories for me. (Real meaning the first time she will be flying on a plane and be away from home for more than a weekend.) My family has an awesome little cabin on Bassett Lake. It’s such a huge part of my vacation history. I feel a tad guilty that we don’t jump at the chance to stay there with my Mom and Dad. Lord knows it would cost us a lot less! I think they understand though.

Ted and I are in desperate need of this vacation for ourselves as a couple. We need some alone time. Some “no work, low stress, just kick back and relax” time. What better way to do that than with hot running water and a splendid view of Lake Superior? Oh, and the cabin we are renting has a deck and a fire pit. Roasted marshmallows, anyone? I am trying not to think of the credit card bill because it will be awful even if we go for an economy hotel. At this cabin we can cook for ourselves and buy beer on sale at a grocery store. It has a kitchenette so that ought to save us some “beans”. Eating out every day adds up quickly. I am feeling relief today because it’s done. The decision is made and now we just have to wait, pack and fly on up there.

We have to fly. With a 21 month old. Crap, ya’ll. I’m so nervous about that part. KC is such a joy these days. So full of personality and energy. It’s cool to watch her. However, she’s very active and busy. I’m so nervous about having her confined to strollers and seats for an entire day. It could be fine…I could be paranoid for no reason. But, then again, it could also equal meltdown city. I guess I just have to stay positive and keep my sense of  humor. Hopefully we don’t get stuck next to a total asshole (or 2) who hates kids.

I’ve already started running over all the places we can take her. Duluth down by the harbor is awesome. Hopefully wherever we are we can find a playground with swings. (That kid loves to swing. I need to make her a t-shirt or a bumper sticker for her wagon that says, “I’d rather be swinging.”) There is also Deer Park, a petting zoo that we always loved as kids. Is it still there?? I hope so. I don’t think we can take her to the Alpine Slides in Lutsen just yet. Maybe a couple of years from now. I’ll have to research activities in the area. Ted and I love watching KC have fun.

By the way, Mom, if you are reading this, don’t even say “Ironworld”. I know you are thinking about suggesting it to be funny. See how well I know you?

Our family cabin will be a blast too. I’m looking forward to taking her in the water, maybe for a boat ride. She has only been swimming once. Last July. However, she really seemed to like it. We’ll have to get her a little life jacket or something. One whole month to go before we leave. It will go fast. All the time seems to go too fast these days. I cannot wait.

Here’s to summertime…

Photos taken in Solomon’s Island, MD

Home stretch, finish line and back to start again.

My 10k race with TNT is this weekend. I feel good and prepared. Hopefully I’ll have good pictures to share. I skipped the gym today, but I vow to go tomorrow and Friday so I’m nice and “loose” for Sunday. I am going to continue on with the Sisterhood as well so it’s yet another “Wednesday Weigh-in”. I’m holding steady at 151 this week. Maybe after Sunday I’ll have dropped another pound. After Sunday I also want to try and do the 30 day shred more seriously.

Training for the 10k has been cool. Although, I have to admit, committing myself to meet up with the team every Saturday morning has been tough. Not because it’s too early, or I am too tired and unmotivated. That hasn’t been an issue at all. I feel guilty for leaving my daughter and husband at home alone. Isn’t that silly? Truth be told it’s more my husband. He just doesn’t seem to dig it when I go. If I ask him he says he doesn’t mind. In theory he totally wants me to do something good for myself. But…you know that tone of voice. He says, “Ok, you have to go run.” and really means “Ok, you have to go run and I’m stuck watching the baby until you get back. There goes my Saturday morning plan.” I flat out hate that. I do it too. I think we all do it sometimes. I think we even realize how shitty we are being while it’s happening, but are powerless to stop the attitude from flowing. You know?

I’m sort of relieved that the commitment of continuous “meet-ups” is past and now I can just go workout or run when I want to. (aka When I know it’s convenient for everyone.) Of course, that leaves me worried that it will get put off too many times and I’ll be back where I was before I started training. I seem to use life as an excuse not to “Just do it.” (Sorry Nike.) My big fitness goal is to one day run a half-marathon. I hope to do it on my own. No fundraising team to support me. That’s some serious motivation that has to happen on my part.

What a balancing act it all is…work life, home life, motherhood, marriage maintenance, hobbies, health…it’s no wonder so many of us are stressed out and so many married couples have issues. Thank God we are taking a vacation soon. We need one.

Artsy-Fartsy

Like my new header? I drew that shit by hand, yo. With a mouse. I’ve got mad skillz. Ok, I’ll stop now.

Any-hoo…

I really can’t wait until KC is old enough to do some art projects with me. I have the urge to do creative stuff like painting, but the idea of getting it all out and keeping her away from the paints and brushes is just exhausting. This age she’s at is exhausting to be honest. She is 20 months now. She’s busy. Always wants to be walking around, touching stuff and exploring. It’s normal, but it is hard work. I feel like her shadow some days. Especially in unfamiliar environments.

At least at home I know what she’s getting into. (Most of the time.) I tend to set her up in the living room and go about my business knowing full-well what she might come in contact with. Worst case, she pulls all our DVDs off the shelf. I can live with that. A few times I have let her have some crayons and a coloring book. She’s really too little for this activity, but she likes it. On two occasions now I’ve kind of forgotten to check on her while folding laundry or something only to come back to find a much smaller crayon in hand and colored wax all over her face. She eats the crayons. Seriously, eats them. Good thing they aren’t toxic.

I did discover that sidewalk chalk is fun for her too. She also tries to eat those, but when we are outside I don’t typically walk away for long stretches so I catch it quickly. Plus, our yard isn’t enclosed. I probably would walk away for a few minutes if she were fenced in. I have to be honest with you. I guess I could try finger paints this summer too. (Preferably outside.) Maybe I can bust out some of my watercolor supplies and join her. Of course, it will be hard to concentrate on finishing a picture of my own if I’m constantly helping her. Maybe next year.

It will be really interesting to see if she’s inherited the “artsy-fartsy” gene. It is fairly likely since both her Dad and I seem to have it. I feel pretty lucky that my artistic talents were nurtured from early on. Both my parents are artistic too. I was always in art classes and am now happy to be in a creative career. I just miss art on paper rather than a computer. Yet, somehow, that’s always where I find myself…making mastheads like the ones on this blog, cropping photos, designing personal stuff and doing my job as a graphic designer. I want to get back to my roots as a fine artist and I’m hoping KC will help me.

Operation Suck

That’s apparently been my mission since last Wednesday. It’s the very last weigh-in for the SSJ challenge. I’ve done OK overall, but this past weekend/week SUCKED with a capital SUCKED. I am still at 151 lbs. Oh, what the hell. I’ll be honest. I’m probably at 152 or, at least, 151.5. Remember, my scale SUCKS too.

I had such an awesome TNT run the weekend of May 9th. This past weekend was supposed to be the longest run we’ve done. Seven miles! I missed it due to circumstances (kind of) beyond my control. I should have gone out and done a run by myself, but I didn’t. I have KC with me and my husband is in Vegas for a week so I’ve milked this excuse to just not do anything important in the realm of fitness. Shame on me. I even own two, count ‘em, TWO jogging strollers. I totally could have taken KC for a run on Saturday morning. For real. I SUCK.

Let’s not even talk about the gym. Haven’t gone there either. Work is busy…yada, yada, yada. Have sat on my ass, at my desk, eating Oreos for breakfast every day since the last weigh-in. Yeah. “Operation Suck” = huge success. “Operation Lose that last pound to finish up the challenge at a nice even 150 lbs.” = big fat fail. Pardon the pun.

I will push on. I will remain a “sister” for whatever challenge comes next. I will do better. After all, that’s how it usually goes with weight loss, right? You suck some, you lose some. Either way, you just keep on pushing.

Redefining the Tossed Salad

KC is very passionate about food. She loves to eat it, hold it, squish it, play with it and, often, wear it. Typical for a child so young I suppose. I should probably try to encourage better table manners. I should make her wear a bib and eat from a plate. I should help her practice using her forks and spoons. I occasionally do those things. I swear. Ok, maybe not the bib part. We gave up on those a while back.

In retrospect, giving her an entire plate of salad was probably not a great idea. But, come on…how funny is this? And, yes. Those are red onions in her hands. Turns out she loves them. I brushed her teeth extra hard that night. Twice. Baby stank breath is not so funny.

The Joy of Eating

To wear your salad is to really know your salad.

Maybe she’ll be a chef someday. I just hope she develops more sanitary methods of food prep. I don’t think the Board of Health will approve of this. Sigh. True artists are seldom understood.

Does this thing have an “off” button?

I joked once to my husband that it would be kinda cool if kids had an “off” button. Don’t get me wrong, KC is wonderful and not at all a horrible child, but honestly there are moments when we just need to chill, or even work, with no interruptions. Truthfully, it would be cool if all people had an off button. Imagine the possibilities! I know, I know. All the liberals out there will cry, “Oh-ho-ho, no! Human rights violations on the grandest scale! No good could come of this! Evil will prevail…blah, blah, blah!” However, before you totally dismiss this, hear me out.

Your kids (spouse/mom/roommate) will go to bed when you want them to! Got a really boring event to attend like a graduation ceremony? Just turn yourself off! When your friends and/or family call and are all like “WTF??” You can be like, “OMG, I’m so sorry! I tripped and fell and hit my off button! I am so disappointed that I missed your incredibly boring important day!” Going on a long car trip? You and your car mates can take turns switching each other on and off to make the time fly faster! For that really annoying friend, you can just leave them off for a while and keep doing it whenever they act up. Make sure they are drinking whenever you do it. Later, you can claim they had a blast, but drank waaaay too much tequila and blacked out for much of the trip. (You know you have one of those friends. If you are confused by this one you probably are that friend.)

Do you get it now? Don’t you agree that this invention must be funded and patented immediately? Why has no one done this yet? By now you are thinking, “But, Jennie. Surely you realize the danger here. What if someone decides to turn someone off forever?” Impossible! We would build in fail safes to ensure this never happens! If you are off for more than 10 hours straight (give or take) you will come back on automatically. Your “chip” (or whatever) will then go into “aggressive mode” and you will not be able to be turned off for another few hours. This gives you ample time to totally kick the ass of whomever tried to keep shutting you down repeatedly!

I know, genius! Right? Ok, maybe not. But, it was an interesting fantasy while it lasted. Now, if I can just further develop my ideas on turning my cats into ROOMBAs that run solely on Meow Mix and dust bunnies…

Oh, Those Pesky Time-Warps

Did anyone ever see the movie “Ice Pirates”? I think it came out in the 80’s. It was pretty dumb, but also pretty awesome. Especially if you like Sci-Fi, which I really do. In one part they enter some kind of a time-warp and everybody ages really fast for a while. It’s pretty hilarious. You should check it out. That’s what my life feels like sometimes. Like it’s moving along at a ridiculous speed. Where the hell did the last week go? It is Wednesday again and I feel like I just weighed-in for my SSJ challenge, like, 5 minutes ago.

Still holding at 151 pounds this week. That’s cool. So far on this challenge I have not gained and that’s what really counts, right? I had a good week. Went to the gym a lot. Also had a FANTASTIC run with my TNT* group this past Saturday. We did 6 miles and I almost ran for the entire time. Myself and two other girls ran together and helped to pace each other. It’s funny how much better you can perform and sustain your motivation with a group. That is also why I am enjoying this Sisterhood thing. Something about having to report in each week helps to keep fitness a top priority. Plus, the encouragement from the group is great too.

Food continues to be a minor issue. As I write this, I’m munching on my daily cookie breakfast. However, I eat Lean Cuisine for lunch most days so that’s good. I think. I need to take a cue from my daughter. She’s amazing with the veggies and fruits. At only 20 months, she seems to really adore stuff like tomatoes, broccoli, asparagus and strawberries. I really hope she keeps liking this stuff as she gets older. I, on the other hand, will take a bag of chips over some grapes and strawberries anytime. I’ve been trying really hard to eat the same amount of veggies and fruits I feed her. As she matures, it will become pretty obvious how unfair it is that I’m forcing oranges on her while eating Doritos myself. Something tells me she’ll notice that incongruity.

*****

*My fundraising goal for the TNT 10k race is $500 and I’m almost there! If you want to help me out, there’s still time. Just click here to go to my personal page before Friday, May 15th. And BIG thanks to those of you who have already donated. You rock!

Silly Sidebar:
Got another one for my “Statistically Speaking” category that seems appropriate here. Someone searched for “cowbell workout” and found me. Tee-hee. I may have to search that one just out of curiosity.

Cop-out. (Or, why I am a lazy-ass and didn’t blog on the most important Mom day of the year.)

So this is a blog about being a mom. Mostly, anyway. Of all the days I should have posted, yesterday (being Mother’s Day) was definitely up there near the top. Maybe right under KC’s Birthday. Instead I played with her and had brunch with my own Mom. I know, selfish. Right? I should have been up at the crack-o-dawn writing eloquent and sentimental lines about what a joy it is to be a mother so she can read it years from now. I should have written a poem about how amazing KC is and how much she’s changed my life. Mainly for the better. I mean, I kind of miss how my house didn’t used to smell like a diaper most days, but otherwise I really like having her around.

What? That’s my fault you say? For not emptying the Diaper Genie more often? Oh, well fine then. Just be quiet.

We had a great weekend. On Saturday, Ted, my Mom, KC and I went to a crawfish boil. We spent all day outside and got a little too much sun. KC stayed on the swings for almost the entire time. This is her new most favorite activity. Big thanks to GG, as she became the designated driver so Daddy and I could have a few beers at the party. GG is the bomb, yo. She was also the designated walker-arounder and swing pusher for a lot of the day. Grandmas totally rock. We came home, tired and burnt and just vegged out. Ted made us strombolis for dinner. He always cooks great stuff when my Mom visits. Even when he’s really tired.

On Sunday, Ted had to work some, which sucked. However, he made us dinner later so that was cool. My Mom and I took KC to brunch with girlfriends I had not seen in a very long time. It was really nice. KC ate bacon for breakfast and charmed everyone. It was totally crowded at the restaurant (On Mother’s Day! Can you imagine? Wierd.), but we got very lucky and were seated quickly. KC lasted longer than I thought she would at the table. She’s very full of energy these days. It’s like having a dog sometimes. You must let her run around and sniff touch stuff or she gets very cranky and starts yapping fussing.

GG left to drive back to her house not long after brunch. Daddy was still finishing a job for a neighbor. KC and I played, watched videos and, finally (and I do mean finally) collapsed on the couch at about 3:30 for a nap. Her restless little body stretched out along mine. Her chubby, little feet lined up with my…um…chubby, big feet perfectly in my line of sight. Yet another moment that made we wish for camera eyes. We stayed that way for about an hour or so. Breathing together, KC snoring a little bit.

We don’t do that very often anymore. She used to nap on my lap all the time as a little baby. These days, I usually snag the opportunity to coax her into her bed so I can have time to myself. However, sometimes it just feels nice to be close to her. Besides, it’s the perfect excuse to lay around and do nothing. It’s also the perfect time to reflect on the fact that these days are numbered. Napping with Mom won’t be high on the list one day soon. Her constant need for me can be difficult, but only sometimes. Mostly it’s wonderful and I want to remember to drink it in.

Maybe it’s the haircut.

I totally got it chopped last week! I feel a bit lighter now. Good thing it’s Wednesday weigh-in time! Last week I was at 153 and this morning I’d swear the scale was hovering over the 151 mark. Those little marks just love each other and they squeeeeze together very tightly so it’s hard to say for sure. Aside from the haircut, I have also been trying to keep up with the gym each day at lunchtime. I am about to go now, as a matter of fact. Also got a run in this weekend even though I was visiting my parents. My eating habits are so-so. I try not to eat so many cookies for breakfast. Maybe that helped too.

I hear over at the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans that they are starting the 30 Day Shred all over again on Monday. Not sure I’ll make it every day this time either, but maybe I’ll try to do it a few nights a week anyway. Short post today, I’ve gotta go to the gym while the motivation is still strong and the lunch hour is still upon us! If any of you out there reading my blog have been longing for some weight loss motivation, check out the Sisterhood. It’s a cool blog and community of women just like you and me. No pressure, just support and nice people.